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whatif_au2023-03-08 09:22 pm
but_can_i_be_trusted) wrote in whatif_au2023-03-08 09:22 pm
Entry tags:
[Challenge #24: Fairy Tale AU/Challenge #28: Crackfic AU] Friends: 'Trainee Fairies'
Title: 'Trainee Fairies'
Author:but_can_i_be_trusted
Fandom: Friends
Rating: G
Warnings: None
Notes: Crossposted togenprompt_bingo
Summary: "Attention! Could everybody settle down, please?"
"Okay, Trainee Fairies!" Ross tapped his clipboard loudly. "Attention! Could everybody settle down, please?"
Reluctantly, his class of soon-to-be-certified Tooth Fairies quieted down. They gathered around him, looking various degrees of bored and impatient, their wings fluttering about as they shifted in place.
Ross grinned professionally. "Thank you. Now, this is your Fairy Final. If you pass, you'll officially be Tooth Fairies."
"Sure took long enough," he heard Trainee Fairy Joey grousing. "I didn't know it was gonna be so hard! I nearly flunked out of my Flight final, and almost didn't get my wings because of it." He flicked one such indigo-edged appendage, and it gave off an iridescent sheen.
Phoebe rose into the air, flitting about on rainbow wings. "I came through it with flying colors," she said, laughing with vaguely demented-sounding delight at her own pun. When the others just stared blankly at her, she descended, somewhat deflated. "Killjoys."
"Be that as it may," a now scowling Ross firmly continued, determined to keep hold of the situation, "you're all here now because you've qualified for this exam. Now," he added, motioning toward a human-sized bed--gigantic in comparison to him and his students, even from the platform where they stood--"we've got everything all set up for you. Over there is a dummy child; I like to call him Ben." He smiled a little. "Nice name. Anyway, your task is to retrieve the tooth that's under his pillow, and replace it with a dollar bill. Ideally without waking Ben. If you disturb him, this is what will happen."
Waving his hands, Ross murmured an incantation under his breath, and focused a burst of magic energy to the pillow beneath the head of the child-shaped dummy. A wail filled the air, forcing the other fairies to cringe and cover their ears.
"Mommy," the dummy cried, "there's a monster under my pillow! Mommy!"
Ross cast another spell, and the dummy fell silent. "Okay. There you have it. Are there any questions?"
Trainee Fairy Monica raised her hand. "Do we leave more money if the tooth is cleaner?"
"Strictly speaking, we're not supposed to judge how the tooth got under the pillow in the first place," Ross responded. "You know, we're not in the tooth-appraisal business." When Monica rolled her eyes and snorted, he went on: "But there are some Tooth Fairies who like to give a little extra when the tooth shows signs of having been brushed properly on a regular basis, just to encourage the kids to have good dental hygiene. Anybody else? Trainee Fairy Chandler? You look like there's something on your mind."
"It's nothing," Chandler answered, waving dismissively. "I was going to ask where we get the money to give the children. At first, I theorized that we mint it, ourselves...but then I realized that that can't be the case, or they wouldn't be able to spend it. Because it'd be counterfeit, and that's against the law," he lamely trailed off.
Ross regarded him briefly. "Okay, then," he said, clapping his hands. "Trainee Fairy Joey, you're up first!"
"Okay. Here goes." Joey let out a nervous breath, before fluttering over to the bed. "Don't wake up, little guy," he murmured, as he tried to pry the dummy's lips apart.
"Joey! I said, you're supposed to go under the pillow," Ross called. "You're not allowed to go in after the teeth!"
Cringing, Joey shot him a glare. "I forgot, okay?!" He slid off of the pillow, and crawled beneath it gingerly. His hand reached out, and he clutched. "I think I got something!" He proceeded to slide back out from underneath the dummy's pillow, lugging his catch along with him.
A yelp of pain filled the air. "Owww! Joey! You got me!" A bedraggled Rachel emerged, smacking Joey's hand off of her wing. She carefully rearranged the peach-hued edging, making sure that nothing was damaged. "Watch it next time!"
"I didn't know you were under there," Joey protested.
"That's five points off your final grade, Rachel," Ross scolded as the two Trainee Fairies flew to the starting platform. "What were you doing, anyway?"
"I got bored," she fussed, "so I thought I'd take a nap."
"Great. That's just great. I'm trying to help you join the Tooth Fairy community, and all I'm getting are sass and problems. Joey, I'll give you another chance at the end of the session. Phoebe," he called, as said Fairy began to flit playfully about again. "Quit messing around, and come down here. You're next."
She stared at him, pausing in midair. "Who--me? I'm not a part of this class."
Ross gawked. "What was that?"
"I'm not part of this class," Phoebe repeated a bit louder, flying in a somewhat sloppy figure-eight formation. "I just nicked these wings when nobody was looking, because I wanted to try them out. They're not mine. Pretty, though, huh?"
"So I've been wasting my time trying to walk you through a final exam that you're not even signed on for?"
"Hey! Before you get hostile," she warned, pointing an accusing finger in Ross' direction, "I never said I was a Tooth Fairy."
His hands gripping his clipboard hard enough for his knuckles to go white, Ross heaved an aggravated sigh. "Yes, you did. You literally said, 'I'm totally a real tooth fairy, just like the rest of you.'"
A silent moment passed as the pair stared at each other.
"Okay," Phoebe finally responded. "You really need to start learning the difference between the truth, and when someone's lying through their teeth." Her eyes went wide, and she began cackling at the pun...only for her laughter to fade into silence as more blank looks were directed at her. "What? I'm the only one that's funny to?" She let out a huff, rolling her eyes. "God, you guys are a bunch of lame ducks!"
Abruptly, Joey's hand shot up. "Tooth Fairy Ross? Quick question: Do ducks have teeth?"
Author:
but_can_i_be_trustedFandom: Friends
Rating: G
Warnings: None
Notes: Crossposted to
genprompt_bingoSummary: "Attention! Could everybody settle down, please?"
"Okay, Trainee Fairies!" Ross tapped his clipboard loudly. "Attention! Could everybody settle down, please?"
Reluctantly, his class of soon-to-be-certified Tooth Fairies quieted down. They gathered around him, looking various degrees of bored and impatient, their wings fluttering about as they shifted in place.
Ross grinned professionally. "Thank you. Now, this is your Fairy Final. If you pass, you'll officially be Tooth Fairies."
"Sure took long enough," he heard Trainee Fairy Joey grousing. "I didn't know it was gonna be so hard! I nearly flunked out of my Flight final, and almost didn't get my wings because of it." He flicked one such indigo-edged appendage, and it gave off an iridescent sheen.
Phoebe rose into the air, flitting about on rainbow wings. "I came through it with flying colors," she said, laughing with vaguely demented-sounding delight at her own pun. When the others just stared blankly at her, she descended, somewhat deflated. "Killjoys."
"Be that as it may," a now scowling Ross firmly continued, determined to keep hold of the situation, "you're all here now because you've qualified for this exam. Now," he added, motioning toward a human-sized bed--gigantic in comparison to him and his students, even from the platform where they stood--"we've got everything all set up for you. Over there is a dummy child; I like to call him Ben." He smiled a little. "Nice name. Anyway, your task is to retrieve the tooth that's under his pillow, and replace it with a dollar bill. Ideally without waking Ben. If you disturb him, this is what will happen."
Waving his hands, Ross murmured an incantation under his breath, and focused a burst of magic energy to the pillow beneath the head of the child-shaped dummy. A wail filled the air, forcing the other fairies to cringe and cover their ears.
"Mommy," the dummy cried, "there's a monster under my pillow! Mommy!"
Ross cast another spell, and the dummy fell silent. "Okay. There you have it. Are there any questions?"
Trainee Fairy Monica raised her hand. "Do we leave more money if the tooth is cleaner?"
"Strictly speaking, we're not supposed to judge how the tooth got under the pillow in the first place," Ross responded. "You know, we're not in the tooth-appraisal business." When Monica rolled her eyes and snorted, he went on: "But there are some Tooth Fairies who like to give a little extra when the tooth shows signs of having been brushed properly on a regular basis, just to encourage the kids to have good dental hygiene. Anybody else? Trainee Fairy Chandler? You look like there's something on your mind."
"It's nothing," Chandler answered, waving dismissively. "I was going to ask where we get the money to give the children. At first, I theorized that we mint it, ourselves...but then I realized that that can't be the case, or they wouldn't be able to spend it. Because it'd be counterfeit, and that's against the law," he lamely trailed off.
Ross regarded him briefly. "Okay, then," he said, clapping his hands. "Trainee Fairy Joey, you're up first!"
"Okay. Here goes." Joey let out a nervous breath, before fluttering over to the bed. "Don't wake up, little guy," he murmured, as he tried to pry the dummy's lips apart.
"Joey! I said, you're supposed to go under the pillow," Ross called. "You're not allowed to go in after the teeth!"
Cringing, Joey shot him a glare. "I forgot, okay?!" He slid off of the pillow, and crawled beneath it gingerly. His hand reached out, and he clutched. "I think I got something!" He proceeded to slide back out from underneath the dummy's pillow, lugging his catch along with him.
A yelp of pain filled the air. "Owww! Joey! You got me!" A bedraggled Rachel emerged, smacking Joey's hand off of her wing. She carefully rearranged the peach-hued edging, making sure that nothing was damaged. "Watch it next time!"
"I didn't know you were under there," Joey protested.
"That's five points off your final grade, Rachel," Ross scolded as the two Trainee Fairies flew to the starting platform. "What were you doing, anyway?"
"I got bored," she fussed, "so I thought I'd take a nap."
"Great. That's just great. I'm trying to help you join the Tooth Fairy community, and all I'm getting are sass and problems. Joey, I'll give you another chance at the end of the session. Phoebe," he called, as said Fairy began to flit playfully about again. "Quit messing around, and come down here. You're next."
She stared at him, pausing in midair. "Who--me? I'm not a part of this class."
Ross gawked. "What was that?"
"I'm not part of this class," Phoebe repeated a bit louder, flying in a somewhat sloppy figure-eight formation. "I just nicked these wings when nobody was looking, because I wanted to try them out. They're not mine. Pretty, though, huh?"
"So I've been wasting my time trying to walk you through a final exam that you're not even signed on for?"
"Hey! Before you get hostile," she warned, pointing an accusing finger in Ross' direction, "I never said I was a Tooth Fairy."
His hands gripping his clipboard hard enough for his knuckles to go white, Ross heaved an aggravated sigh. "Yes, you did. You literally said, 'I'm totally a real tooth fairy, just like the rest of you.'"
A silent moment passed as the pair stared at each other.
"Okay," Phoebe finally responded. "You really need to start learning the difference between the truth, and when someone's lying through their teeth." Her eyes went wide, and she began cackling at the pun...only for her laughter to fade into silence as more blank looks were directed at her. "What? I'm the only one that's funny to?" She let out a huff, rolling her eyes. "God, you guys are a bunch of lame ducks!"
Abruptly, Joey's hand shot up. "Tooth Fairy Ross? Quick question: Do ducks have teeth?"
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