![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
but_can_i_be_trusted posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
whatif_auTitle: 'The Great Gian'
Author:but_can_i_be_trusted
Fandom: Wayne & Shuster
Rating: G
Warnings: None
Notes: Crossposted tospook_me
Summary: The Great Gian is "great" no longer!
Scene: An opulent parlor, dimly lit, in what looks like a beautiful home. Three figures are gathered, seated around a small table. They're holding hands, caught mid-séance, around a glowing crystal ball. We see first the Signora, the hostess and the owner of the home. She looks like she could easily be a countess, or perhaps only a social climber with more time and money on her hands than she knows what to do with. Her eyes are firmly closed, the better to supposedly allow the spirits to make themselves known at their leisure. To her left, we discover The Great Gian, the medium, in a glittering and ornate robe that makes him look like a child in a costume, with thick folds and wide sleeves. He's muttering nonsense syllables under his breath, while occasionally darting glances at the Signora, in the evident hope that she's buying into his malarkey. To his left, we now find Franco, who looks perfectly ordinary. It's clear that he's playing along with the basic scenario, though he now and then casts disgusted glances at the alleged medium, with an expression of what appears strongly to be doubt.
Gian: (mid-mumble) ...spirits, hear my voice...I call thee forth. Appear to us, and reveal the secrets of the Beyond!
(beside him, Franco snorts in mildly amused contempt, but quickly passes it off as a cough when Gian glances his way)
Franco: Sorry. Please go on...calling the, uh...spirits.
Gian: Thank you. (going back into some rather obviously phony schtick) Spirits! Come forth! We would learn thy secrets! (acting as though he's about ready to swoon) I...I feel them...the spirits...they're nearly here...
Signora: (excitedly, fully convinced) Oh, don't break contact, whatever you do, gentlemen! We're about to achieve a breakthrough...(she gasps as the table slowly begins to turn) Oh, good heavens! We're making contact...
Franco: (under his breath) If I had a coin for every time I heard that...
Gian: Silence, O Skeptical One! The spirits have arrived! Witness my powers!
(as the trio watches, lights begin to flicker all across the walls and ceiling. somewhere, music can just be heard, faint and crackling, as though an old and scratched phonograph record is being played. a skull slowly descends from the ceiling, hovering just above the crystal ball)
Signora: (gasping in rapt alarm) Oh, goodness gracious! They're manifesting!
Franco: (giving in to his disgust with the whole display) The hell they are! (he goes to the wall and switches on a light) I've had enough of this phony "séance" business. (he comes back to the table, handing both Gian and the Signora some cards) I'm with the local branch of the Skeptics' Society, and I came here to debunk that man! (he points at Gian, who has the nerve to actually look offended by the accusation) You've been swindling society matrons all over the region with your lies and deceptions; it's my duty to put your shams to a shameful stop! The Great Gian is "great" no longer!
Gian: (staring at him in the semblance of outrage, though he also looks ever so slightly embarrassed) Sir, I resent your accusation! I happen to be a legitimate psychic medium!
Franco: You're a legitimate medium, like I'm the Queen of Sheba! (he grabs the dangling skull, and yanks it from the wire that's holding it in suspension from the ceiling, which also dislodges a small disco ball and attached lamp, which bounce onto the table; waving the skull in front of the Signora) It's all an act--and a shoddy one, at that! (then he takes up the crystal ball, breaking it, to reveal a thin plastic shell, with a small flashlight built into the base) It's all a con job! The Great Gian is no medium, Signora; he's a fraud of the lowest degree! You were just about to be taken for everything you've got! (he proceeds to push the table aside, and reveal a phonograph player, which is the source of the eerie music. a thread runs from the tone arm, into the easy reach of Gian's hand) Lies and lies, all piled one on top of another! It's all been faked!
Signora: (in a state of confusion) And what about the phenomenon of table-turning? You've explained away everything else that we've witnessed. But you've left table-turning alone.
Franco: (scornful) Phenomenon?! What "phenomenon"? There's no trick to table-turning. You just have to let basic, unconscious human movements do all the work, and hope that none of the suckers you're conning catch on! (the table abruptly lifts itself, sending everyone scattering away to avoid getting hit; the Signora promptly faints, while Franco is suddenly a bit rattled) Of course, when the table gets up and throws itself at your head, then things get a little tricky. (he quickly goes to the Signora, and lifts her, placing her on a nearby sofa to recover)
Gian: (triumphantly shocked) Haha! (pointing smugly at a still stunned Franco) And you thought I was just another fraud to debunk! You see?! You might've been right about everything else you've seen tonight; but it was the spirits who moved the table, and not any of us!
Franco: Okay, so maybe I was a little hasty about that little detail.
Gian: You better believe it! This proves you wrong: I'm the genuine article, after all! (he moves into the center of the room, sweeping his arms out wide, and inadvertently smacking Franco with one of his voluminous sleeves) Spirits! I command thee! Do my bidding, and humiliate this charlatan debunker! Make my reputation!
(at that, a loud, booming voice fills the air, laughing in contempt. Gian and Franco cling to each other, startled, then exchange annoyed glances, and push away from each other)
Voice: (heavy with irritation and disdain) We don't perform on cue, you bozo! Now, bug off; some of us are trying to sleep for eternity, here.
Gian: Uh...okay, then. Sorry to have bothered you. Go back to sleep...
Voice: (slightly mollified) That's more like it. (we hear a yawn that echoes through the room) Buona sera, mortals.
Franco: And what was that about your "reputation" being made?
Gian: Oh, let it go, already. Haven't I been embarrassed enough for one night?!
Author:
but_can_i_be_trustedFandom: Wayne & Shuster
Rating: G
Warnings: None
Notes: Crossposted to
spook_meSummary: The Great Gian is "great" no longer!
Scene: An opulent parlor, dimly lit, in what looks like a beautiful home. Three figures are gathered, seated around a small table. They're holding hands, caught mid-séance, around a glowing crystal ball. We see first the Signora, the hostess and the owner of the home. She looks like she could easily be a countess, or perhaps only a social climber with more time and money on her hands than she knows what to do with. Her eyes are firmly closed, the better to supposedly allow the spirits to make themselves known at their leisure. To her left, we discover The Great Gian, the medium, in a glittering and ornate robe that makes him look like a child in a costume, with thick folds and wide sleeves. He's muttering nonsense syllables under his breath, while occasionally darting glances at the Signora, in the evident hope that she's buying into his malarkey. To his left, we now find Franco, who looks perfectly ordinary. It's clear that he's playing along with the basic scenario, though he now and then casts disgusted glances at the alleged medium, with an expression of what appears strongly to be doubt.
Gian: (mid-mumble) ...spirits, hear my voice...I call thee forth. Appear to us, and reveal the secrets of the Beyond!
(beside him, Franco snorts in mildly amused contempt, but quickly passes it off as a cough when Gian glances his way)
Franco: Sorry. Please go on...calling the, uh...spirits.
Gian: Thank you. (going back into some rather obviously phony schtick) Spirits! Come forth! We would learn thy secrets! (acting as though he's about ready to swoon) I...I feel them...the spirits...they're nearly here...
Signora: (excitedly, fully convinced) Oh, don't break contact, whatever you do, gentlemen! We're about to achieve a breakthrough...(she gasps as the table slowly begins to turn) Oh, good heavens! We're making contact...
Franco: (under his breath) If I had a coin for every time I heard that...
Gian: Silence, O Skeptical One! The spirits have arrived! Witness my powers!
(as the trio watches, lights begin to flicker all across the walls and ceiling. somewhere, music can just be heard, faint and crackling, as though an old and scratched phonograph record is being played. a skull slowly descends from the ceiling, hovering just above the crystal ball)
Signora: (gasping in rapt alarm) Oh, goodness gracious! They're manifesting!
Franco: (giving in to his disgust with the whole display) The hell they are! (he goes to the wall and switches on a light) I've had enough of this phony "séance" business. (he comes back to the table, handing both Gian and the Signora some cards) I'm with the local branch of the Skeptics' Society, and I came here to debunk that man! (he points at Gian, who has the nerve to actually look offended by the accusation) You've been swindling society matrons all over the region with your lies and deceptions; it's my duty to put your shams to a shameful stop! The Great Gian is "great" no longer!
Gian: (staring at him in the semblance of outrage, though he also looks ever so slightly embarrassed) Sir, I resent your accusation! I happen to be a legitimate psychic medium!
Franco: You're a legitimate medium, like I'm the Queen of Sheba! (he grabs the dangling skull, and yanks it from the wire that's holding it in suspension from the ceiling, which also dislodges a small disco ball and attached lamp, which bounce onto the table; waving the skull in front of the Signora) It's all an act--and a shoddy one, at that! (then he takes up the crystal ball, breaking it, to reveal a thin plastic shell, with a small flashlight built into the base) It's all a con job! The Great Gian is no medium, Signora; he's a fraud of the lowest degree! You were just about to be taken for everything you've got! (he proceeds to push the table aside, and reveal a phonograph player, which is the source of the eerie music. a thread runs from the tone arm, into the easy reach of Gian's hand) Lies and lies, all piled one on top of another! It's all been faked!
Signora: (in a state of confusion) And what about the phenomenon of table-turning? You've explained away everything else that we've witnessed. But you've left table-turning alone.
Franco: (scornful) Phenomenon?! What "phenomenon"? There's no trick to table-turning. You just have to let basic, unconscious human movements do all the work, and hope that none of the suckers you're conning catch on! (the table abruptly lifts itself, sending everyone scattering away to avoid getting hit; the Signora promptly faints, while Franco is suddenly a bit rattled) Of course, when the table gets up and throws itself at your head, then things get a little tricky. (he quickly goes to the Signora, and lifts her, placing her on a nearby sofa to recover)
Gian: (triumphantly shocked) Haha! (pointing smugly at a still stunned Franco) And you thought I was just another fraud to debunk! You see?! You might've been right about everything else you've seen tonight; but it was the spirits who moved the table, and not any of us!
Franco: Okay, so maybe I was a little hasty about that little detail.
Gian: You better believe it! This proves you wrong: I'm the genuine article, after all! (he moves into the center of the room, sweeping his arms out wide, and inadvertently smacking Franco with one of his voluminous sleeves) Spirits! I command thee! Do my bidding, and humiliate this charlatan debunker! Make my reputation!
(at that, a loud, booming voice fills the air, laughing in contempt. Gian and Franco cling to each other, startled, then exchange annoyed glances, and push away from each other)
Voice: (heavy with irritation and disdain) We don't perform on cue, you bozo! Now, bug off; some of us are trying to sleep for eternity, here.
Gian: Uh...okay, then. Sorry to have bothered you. Go back to sleep...
Voice: (slightly mollified) That's more like it. (we hear a yawn that echoes through the room) Buona sera, mortals.
Franco: And what was that about your "reputation" being made?
Gian: Oh, let it go, already. Haven't I been embarrassed enough for one night?!
no subject
Date: 2025-10-29 03:13 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-10-29 03:44 am (UTC)